I Got Sanctioned by Russia!

I got permanently banned at a dive bar I never intended to drink at that’s right I was sanctioned by the Russian Federation by Vladimir Putin on the same day as three heads of the Central Intelligence Agency next up on game three today guys it’s time for some Game Theory hi there it’s Eric Garland welcome back to Game Theory today oops thank you so much for the invite I’m afraid I cannot join you at your summer Cottage in mermont this summer thanks oh and thanks for the speaking gig oh it’s the valdi discussion club I’m afraid I can’t make it I can’t even help you dope up to try and cheat at the Olympics this year dude I’m so sorry thank you though because my friends I was diplomatically sanctioned by Vladimir Putin personally I can never go to the Russian Federation and all Russian citizens are banned from ever working with me or they’ll be in real deep trouble who else got banned at the ame time as me CIA director Bill Burns CIA director Leon Panetta defense intelligence agency director General , 8 secondsRobert Ashley Merrick Garland Joe Biden Hunter Biden now is that not like the most awesome bowling team ever like I , 16 secondswould do anything to like hang out every Tuesday and bowl with just those dudes like we would form a league against the , 23 secondsFBI and um guys from Britain that had banned from Russia I don’t know I don’t know how we do it uh but that’s pretty pretty August company to be kept in now , 32 secondsthis all sounds crazy but this really happened in May of 2022 now what happened what did I do such , 40 secondsthat Vladimir Putin thought to ban me from his C country in perpetuity what , 48 secondsdid I get up to the Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Russia says that I am ban because I am an expert in foreign , 56 secondselection interference let me repeat I’m not saying this about myself the Russian Federation says it about me after how , 4 secondsthey’ve acted the last few years I kind of feel like all of us and a whole bunch of countries are experts in Russian election interference at this point but , 12 secondsum they thought it special to single me out frankly I’m flattered now the crazy part of this is it’s not 2016 anymore , 22 secondsRussia has Vanishing little budget for this kind of thing I had long since moved on by 2022 uh from what Russia was , 30 secondsup to then what India was up to Pakistan Saudi the Emirates Hezbollah the cartels not Russia but apparently Russia was , 39 secondsstill obsessed with what I was doing this is weird this is like instead of being stalked like by an X or something you’re angry that you’re not being , 47 secondsstalked it’s kind of weird I mean this is a country that couldn’t even take over Ukraine a country it used to own , 54 secondswhere half the population goes home at night and speaks the Russian l language and they couldn’t even win against those , 2 secondsguys I was high up on their enemy list Bro you’ve got to get your priorities straight okay and incidentally if you’re , 10 secondslosing the Spy game to a Midwestern dad in Missouri uh maybe you need to tradeing your status as a world superpower it’s not working out for you , 19 secondslike you guys sanctioned me you you permanently kicked me out from a place I never intended to go ever because I , 26 secondsdon’t have a a fetish for getting syphilis on the train or from getting cancer from tap water you guys actually , 35 secondstook money out of your budget which is dwindling because we’re sanctioning all your offshore bank accounts you paid somebody to type out sanctions against , 44 secondsme K I mean what do they think I was going to do open up a chain of guitar stores there like maybe a bunch of fried chicken restaurants I mean this was , 52 secondsthree months in to them invading Ukraine unsuccessfully and they thought to take time out of , 59 secondstheir day in Moscow to tell me three heads of the Central Intelligence Agency and the president of the United States , 7 secondsthat none of us could come there anymore like what was going through their minds and this is what makes me think that Russia is done as a country like it’s , 14 secondsnot had a lot of use uh in the world for like the last hundred years like back in the ‘ 50s okay they put up Sputnik ahead of us so they like beat us at the Space , 22 secondsRace for a few years then we just cleaned their clocks we like straight up landed on the moon which made them angry and they spread all this dis information , 29 secondsabout how he never got there um you know about the only thing I remember as a kid they were good for was providing the , 37 secondsperfect archetype for bad guys I mean they had the accent I mean remember Ivon Drago in in the Rocky series not only in , 46 secondsRocky but also in the very good uh Creed franchise uh that’s sort of the spin-off from Rocky is just amazing now those are , 54 secondsbad guys they’ve got the cool look Dolph lron is actually actually Swedish cuz you can’t actually work with Russian on these things for the most part not back , 1 secondin the day anyways uh you know Ivon Drago that was pretty awesome pretty much uh you know every Spy Movie every , 9 secondsbasically whenever we got tired of having British people always be the villain we had Russian people with their accent be the villain then we got barred and then we went back to the Brits but , 17 secondsafter the 1980s and having them be the bad guy in every movie what were the Russians up to well so they went out of business right and then their next Act , 26 secondswas to take over the mob from the Italians now I am 50% Italian I can tell you that this is not the most organized , 32 secondsgroup of people anyhow like you go from controlling the largest land mass on Earth to Rolling Vinnie bag of donuts , 41 secondsand his meth and vending machine game in Long Island City like well congrats on global domination guys I guess this is , 49 secondswhy we didn’t see them coming with all the election interference because like in the mid 2000s they just went you know and they they rolled the Nebraska Mafia , 57 secondsor whatever uh the next thing I know I I see them turn up when I’m working for the Prince of Monaco for a year on Monaco 2029 that was a 20-year Vision , 5 secondsinto the future back in 2009 they had a problem they had one dude Dimitri rolv who bought like half a Monaco up so that was kind of like their problem they had , 13 secondsto get by but that’s all you ever heard about the Russians U before 2016 and then Trump started saying how much you like love Vladimir Putin which is what , 22 secondsgot my attention then all of a sudden they started sending around that weird steel dossier uh thing in 2016 which got , 30 secondsshopped to me incidentally by various ignoble characters who shall remain for now nameless until I see them in a grand , 37 secondsjury um which of course uh Christopher steel and Britain there did a bang up terrible job making a fake intelligence , 45 secondsreport that I’ve I’ve torn apart on this channel uh this supposed steel dossier where where the president of the United States got urinated on or whatever it , 53 secondssounded bogus back then and it just got worse so that was like that was their day in the Sun the Russians then Trump got in which I don’t think anybody was , 1 secondexpecting much less the Russians and then everybody started acting like Russia was behind everything when in fact they’re really just kind of like , 10 secondsthe dirtiest hockey goon out there they’re like a hockey goon with a switchblade I mean like it’s supposed to be rough but they’re like they way , 17 secondsoverdo it that’s their reputation in the Spy world and I think it carries to the rest of Life anyhow Trump’s going on for four years occasionally he pays some , 25 secondsobeisance to Vladimir Putin they do a photo op it looks really weird then Joe Biden gets in office he starts really putting the hammer down on bad guys , 34 secondseverywhere and then they throw a Hail Mary pass they try and just invade Ukraine maybe to keep some of the rare , 41 secondsearth medals there that’s worth so much H but they fail and then like their last act they like sanction me and then we run them out of money and here we are , 49 secondstoday you know what’s like super funny is like whenever I take a moment on social media and I’m like insufficiently , 56 secondsreverent toward the ukrainians or I don’t mention the Russians in a list of bad guys or something people act like I’m going soft on the Russians hey folks , 5 secondsI’m actually banned by these people okay like they know me I’m on their list and this is a group of people that likes to , 14 secondskill other human beings and they know how so trust me I know Russia can be bad guys I got it thanks I got to say though , 22 secondsI’m I’m really proud of it I I made Vladimir Putin by myself I made him as angry at me as he is at the entire CIA , 30 secondsand multiple directors thereof like I don’t even employ any assassins which the CIA do um like you know some people , 39 secondsreally enjoy having an abrasive personality and whatnot and you you maybe you know people like that kind of enjoy the fact that some people can’t , 46 secondsstand them like I have made the largest land mass on Earth mad at me so if that’s a competition I think I hit the , 55 secondshigh score so guys like who should sanction me next like I think the the obvious next guys I want on my list be like , 4 secondsSerbia North Korea definitely I totally want to be sanctioned by North Korea the Bon saw Mafia in Saudi Arabia those guys , 11 secondsuh can go jump in a lake so yeah they can sanction me Myanmar has got a bunch of jerks they’re doing a lot of human , 18 secondstrafficking they’re really bad um yeah that’ do it if I can just get Myanmar and uh and North Korea I’d be pretty , 25 secondshappy so answer me in the comments who do you think should sanctioning next I I think St Louis has already sanctioned me but uh we’re talking about official , 33 secondsdiplomatic sanctions here so um I guess that’s it for this episode of Game Theory today tell me who you want to sanction me in the comments click like , 42 secondsClips subscribe and if you are the Minister of Foreign Affairs of your country go ahead and sanction me